pics of my first surrotwins!!

So, I do not hear from my FIP's unless I first email them, I think that if I never emailed them again I would never hear from them again. It's a shame but something I have learned to cope with. I haven't heard a word from them since right before Christmas! I brokedown this morning and emailed them asking how life was and about each of the kids, I briefly told them about our failed transfer and what Spring has been like for us.

My FIM emailed me back briefly that everyone is doing well, babies are growning big (24 and 22 lbs) Still not walking because someone is always holding them and that they are well loved! But she also sent this pic, they are currently on vacation in Florida!

It just melts my heart to see them!! I am so glad, even though we dont have the picture perfect relationship now that I have done my part in bringing them into this world, that I got to be apart of something so wonderful!

Never updated...

So I never updated that the BETA was negative as I had feared. Griff is out of town on business, April 28th Sam and Griff have an appointment to get the next transfer underway. I am waiting for my period to come as I type, it will be here soon! I hope to know more the week of the 28th. Not sure if we will get in for a late June transfer or if it will be in July, either way we will get to take the kids to D.C. this trip which will be fun.

On other fronts, Mark bought the kids a go-cart last week and had to do some work on it. Wed night he got it working and decided to take it down our deadend road on a test drive. Well, I see him go past the driveway then the sound of the engine reved up and then it was quiet, so I figured the engine stalled out. Well, then my cell phone rings and Mark says in a very shaky voice, "I wrecked!" I ran for the truck and yelled for the kids to get int he house I'd be right back. I get to the end of the road and Mark is struggleing to get out form under the go-cart. He gets out and cant stand up. GREAT!!!!

Here the trottle stuck wide open, Mark thinks he was going at least 45 miles an hour and the breaks went out!!!d He hit the end of the deadend and the mud, and flipped end over end!! He luckily never hit his noggin, but he did sprain his ankle pretty bad. We went to urgent care and he was given an air cast and told to take tylenol or advil, they were so helpful, NOT!!! So, needless to say he was home Thur and Fri and all weekend, he better be going back to work tomorrow, lol

We celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary on Sat the 19th! We went to breakfast and then I did some yard work, lol We never do anything special, we kinda suck that way!! lol The weather was nice, I actually broke out he shorts and showed off my snow white legs, lol

I ran out to get my BETA (blood pregnancy test) right after Dylan got onthe bus this morning, got there at 8:50, didn't get the bllod drawn til after 10, ugh! I did some running around after that to waste time so that I wasn't here all day waiting for the phone to ring, lol I got home and there was a package on my front porch (some maternity clothes I had purchased off a friend online) She is the same lady that sells all of us surros cheap pee sticks. Well, I open the box and she included 30 pee sticks, she is so very nice, 30 can you believe that? Now I wont have to purchase more, although I probably will anyways, lol

As I was carrying my box, I noticed a note hanging on the door knob, a flower delivery place wanted me to call them. So, I call and they ask if I will be home for a while and I say yes. Within 10 minutes the truck was pulling in and the man handed me this...

They are from my IP's because my Grandma died, how very nice of them and it truely made me smile! Thank you Sam and Griff!! They are beautiful and smell so nice!

It's just about 4pm and I still haven't heard from the clinic yet about the BETA. I am anticipating a negative result, I tested negative on a home test just this morning! I am bummed to say the least and I know that Sam and Griff wil be as well, but the bright side of it is, we can (well they can) get in to the clinic to get the ball rolling again soon. Hopefully, we have better success the second time around! And we will get ot go down and spend more time with them in the summer, and take the kids to D.C. to do some site seeing. That will be fun!

She always said death comes in 3's

Well, my Grandma always, my moms mom, has said this and it always seems to work out that way in our family, or extended family. A few months ago, Marks Uncle passed away while working in the barn on Thanksgiving morning. Then in Feb my cousin, finally succumbed to breast cancer. Friday my Grandma passed, we have calling hours tonight and the funeral tomorrow morning. I feel bad that we didn't spend a whole lot of time with her. She was still working darn near 50 hours a week, at 69!!! She worked with mentally handicapped men, they all lived in a house and had around the clock care, but most of them went to work at Goodwill during the day. My Grandma stayed with them at night, she would clean the house and do laundry, cook breakfast and make sure everyone got their meds, etc, before going off to work. She loved her job, she loved her boys as she called them. My kids know her as the sucker Grandma, she always had a pocket full of dumdum suckers for the grandkids along with dog treats for any dog she came across. LOL I, so far, fell ok about the whole thing. She lived a long full life, she had 5 daughters that gave her 28 grandkids and we have given her 10 great grandbabies. I feel good that she got to see me and my brother, Pepper, get married. She will miss out on my other siblings weddings, though. She will miss out on my niece being born in 2 months. But she saw many granbabies and great grandbabies, and realistically we can't be around forever, now can we. I think I am numb to death in a way. I have seen far to many people that i care about die, starting at the young age of 9, when my stepdad, but the only true dad I have ever had, died on Christmas morning, right in front of us. That was very hard and sticks with you your whole life. It seems that I go to more funerals than I do happy events like weddings. That sucks!! The whole family has come together, even the realtives from florida, VA, and as far as Texas (we haven't seen my Aunt and her children, who now have children of their own, lol) in 15 or 16 years!! WOW. that alone makes me feel old!! Oh well, we will get through today and tomorrow and go on with life without Grandma here. but she was a big believer in angels and we all know that she is an angel watching over us all now and forever.

sorry to leave you all hanging

I feel like I have left everyone hanging as to if the transfer worked or not. I was really hoping to have some good news to share by now, but as of this morning the pee sticks are still stark white, not even a hint of color! I have been reassured that people on SMO have in fact gotten BFP's (positives) as late as 7 and 8 days after a 5 day transfer. We are now 6dp5dt as of 1PM today. So I guess we are not out of the running yet, but I am beginning to loose hope to tell you the truth. I have some weird things happening that only happen when I am prego but the pee sticks, even several different brands are not cooperating! I get this pulling sensation, like a sting attached from my groin to my belly button, I only get this while standing up while prego, well Thurs this sensation started up. It is not just in my head either, it truely exsists. LOL I also have had 2 bouts of dizziness upon standing, which also I get a little of at the very beginning of a pregnancy. So every morning I test, and I will keep this up til Wed when I have the blood test.

Please say prayers if that is your think, or just keep us in your thoughts the next few days. I will keep you posted!

Sam, I know I told you I wouldn't tell you about the BFN's but I know that you and Griff are sitting there wondering and by not telling at this point I feel like I am keeping things from you guys and I never want to do that. There is still hope that the next day or two will bring us a nice little surprise inthe form of a second line. But I also want you to be prepared if we need to start over come Wed! I love you guys, and we will get there, eventually!

been a while

So I know I haven't updated since we left for the transfer, I will take a few minutes to now.

Lets see, Friday, I had to finish packing for everyone. I had to run to Marks work to exchange trucks with our friend Mike, he has an extended cab Dodge Dakota with a cap onthe back in case it were to rain, which of course it was. Now we had room to sit comfy with sissy in the backseat and the luggage in the back protected by the cap. Then after the bus came at 3:30 I had to run Dylan to his dads to drop him off. Marks dad who was keeping Gage was over on this side of town so while I was gone delivering Dylan he came to pick up Gage. We loaded up the truck and hit the road at about 5:15. It was an uneventful drive, we stopped once for gas and to go potty. Sissy was very good and even slept about an hour or so. Mapquest was right on with the directions and we arrived at the hotel at 10:30. Then we ran into a snafu. the front desk took my itinerary and pulled everything up, but then asked me for the credit card it was booked under. I said my friend booked it for us, its her credit card, she faxed all the info to you on Mon to avoid this problem. So he goes to look for the fax, to no avail, I had to call Sam at 10:40PM!!! Ugh, but she faxed it again and we were in our room a mere 5 minutes later. Sissy who woke up during all of this. decided that she needed a bath before bed, lol So, while we settled in, sissy took a bath, then we went to bed.

We had free breakfast with our room, so we got up early and headed down to eat, yummy, I love breakfast, lol We then headed south to visit a friend of Marks from the Marines, Don, he is still serving (18years) and is stationed at Quantico. We visited with he ans his wife, Jen, for a while then we all decided to jjump int he car and go to the Marine history museum. It was fun! The Marines was a time before me, so it was fun to listen to them all talk. Jen was like one of the guys, she and Don married 14 years ago and Mark was at the wedding so they all had lots of memories to share. Of course I got to see some photos of all the good times they shared in Californina together.

Once we left the museum, we traveled north to hit the hotel to grab my shot that I didn't think of bringing with us when we left in the morning. We missed our exit for the hotel and made it almost all the way to Sam and Griffs before we were able to get off the interstate and turn around, lol! Got back to the hotel and noticed sissy had spilt her juice in her lap but she was sleeping so I let her sleep and ran to the room for a change of clothes and my shot. We finally make it to Sam and Griffs!! We all chit chatted a bit while Griff cooked burgers on the grill. We filled our bellies up, then moved to the play room to watch the girls play. Meredith is so little and just as cute as a button. Sissy and Meredith hit it off pretty well. They made a huge mess but had a good time doing so. I wish we would have had more time to just sit around and visit but we got there late and the girls need their beauty rest, lol, they are little princesses ya know!! LOL

So, transfer day! The embies weren't doing so well and we were told we "should" have 1 good one to transfer! Well, we got to the clinic and the waiting room was packed, they had some non-appointments just show up so it was a crouded house for a Sun. Griff and Sam drove separately so griff could leave at noon to get back to releave Grandpa of his babysitting duties. It was getting down to the wire, but luckily the nurse came out to get Sam and I right as he was having to leave. Mark stayed with sissy inthe waiting room and Sam and I went in to gown up and whatnot. The nurse comes in and I sign some papers and get instructions for what to do and not to do after the transfer. Then the Doctor comes in and to our great relief he tells us that one of the embies had a growth spurt and that we are transferring two. yay!!

We both got to see the embies with the microscope, they were so cute, lol The Dr. gave us both the babies 1st photos, lol
one is a blast (very good=5days old) the other is called a murula (4days old). I will save you the gory details for the transfer, lets jsut say I was mortified after the third speculum needed to be found becuase my cervix is very high!! LOL After the transfer I rested in an inclined postition for 1/2 hour, Mark came in while Sam went to sit with a sleeping Sissy! We all hugged and went our separate ways. I to my hotel bed for the next 24 hours and Sam to her lovely home.

We ordered roomservice and a movie! After that I took a nice long nap, actually when I woke up Mark and Sissy were also napping, lol We rented a second movie, then that was pretty much our day. We had to check out of the hotel at 12 even though I should have been on bedrest til 1 or 1:30ish, but I dont think that hour is gonna hurt anything. I was sitting in a car for the next 5 hours, not like I was running a marathon or anything. We got into town earlier than we had first thought we would so we called our friend Lori that was watching Gage for us on Monday, and met them at the park, Sissy got to run off some bottled up energy! We ordered a pizza ont he way home and waited for Dylans dad to bring him home.

All-in-all the trip was nice, we had pretty good weather, a little drizzle on the way down and back but not much. tuesday I took it easy! I am trying ot keep myself occupied so that I do not sit here fretting over if I am prego or not. If it is gonna happen this time it will, there is nothing any of us can do to change what will happen. I hope to get a positive on a home pregnancy test long before our scheduled blood test on Wed the 16th. But if not that will be the day we know for sure, and have to plan what to do next. Although, we pretty much have a game plan for a round two if it is needed. But it is just too early to know one way or another just yet.

Packing complete!

We leave in 5 hours, yay!!

I have taken 3 PIO (progesterone in oil) shots so far and other than a little soreness in the area of injection(my butt, lol) I have had no bruising or lumps, so far so good there.

Tomorrow will be a busy day,First we have to stop at the clinic to get my instructions for transfer day,then we will spend the first 1/2 with friends of Marks from the Marines. Then off to Sam and Griffs to cookout and meet Meredith. Sissy is so excited about this, she is telling everyone that she gets to go to Sam and Griffs!!

I can't wait to see you Sam!!